


To Understand

by LuckyKoneko



Series: Kingdom Hearts oneshots [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, Gen, I cannot get over how young Ienzo was, I have so many feelings about this, I literally cannot get over it, I put lots of little easter eggs in this, Lexaeus is the ultimate ally, Zexion is probably like 13 or 14 in this, ace representation for the win, and Vexen needs to check his prejudices, anyway, basically little references to factoids from the games, guess who's new to the KH fandom, precious boi did not deserve what he got, see if you can catch them all, wrote this for Pride Month, yup it's me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2020-05-28 10:58:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19392733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuckyKoneko/pseuds/LuckyKoneko
Summary: There are some things that Nobodies can still feel. The question is whether all of them do feel it. [alternatively: in which Zexion discovers that asexuality is a thing]





	To Understand

**Author's Note:**

> Before I get to the story, I just want to share a few things. First of all, thank you for reading my very first Kingdom Hearts fic, I hope you enjoy it! Second, this fic was written for a Pride Month Charity Zine hosted by kestrelmakesart on tumblr, I'll put a link to the post with the zine in the end notes. And finally, I just want to say thank you for all of you wonderful content creators out there who make pride content, you're all awesome for doing what you're doing and the world could always do with more representation for any and all people who are somewhere on the rainbow spectrum.

_There are some things Nobodies can still feel. Most of these are remnants of emotion, no more than the body’s memories of emotional responses. However, there is one thing that all humans feel that is not controlled by the Heart: physical attraction. Since this is regulated by the body, Nobodies are still able to feel this. However, they cannot form any form of emotional attachment._

Zexion read his notes again, and again, and again. Vexen’s theory was flawless, he saw no holes, no reasons why there should be any exceptions. Still, it bothered him. The hypothesis was incorrect, or at least it seemed to be.

“Nobodies are still able to feel physical attraction...” he mused aloud, tracing the words with his finger.

“…So why do I not feel it?”

He sighed. It was wrong, it had to be wrong. Unless…

Unless there was something wrong with him.

The idea was new, he had to stop and consider it. It was possible that Vexen’s theory was indeed correct, and that he, Zexion, was flawed in some way. The thought was unpleasant, it seemed to increase his constant and almost comforting feeling of emptiness to the point where he almost believed that he was incomplete, wrong, broken. A failed Nobody, lacking any and all feelings, even the ones Nobodies had.

“If I had a heart still, I would be upset” he murmured. That would have amused him, had he had a heart, and he gave a faint smile. He could still mimic the emotions that would have been the proper response. That was something, at least. He was not completely broken.

He stood up, closing his notebook. The sound echoed slightly in the empty library. It bothered him. While he often locked himself away for hours to study in peace and quiet, he couldn’t stand this empty echoing silence. He needed to have background noise, and today that seemed to mean other people. Taking his notes and a book to read with him, he left the library and wandered through the Castle that Never Was, searching for others to talk to.

Usually when he needed company, he would find Luxord, Xaldin and Marluxia, listen as they played dice or cards, and occasionally join in for a game or two. Today, however, they were not the kind of company he was looking for.

He found Lexaeus in one of the common rooms. The other Nobody was alone – it seemed that Demyx had accompanied him until a few moments ago, as one of his many musical instruments was still there. Lexaeus was focused on a chess problem, and Zexion found himself looking at the board for a moment before finding a place to sit on the couch. “Move the queen, not the knight” he commented, opening his book where he had last left off. “If you move her the correct number of squares, she poses a threat to white, too.”

“Thank you.” Lexaeus moved the piece, pausing to consider the new problem he’d created. “This leaves two options.”

“Tower. Knight leaves a spot for the bishop to move into next turn.” Zexion gave a smile. “An interesting problem, isn’t it?”

Lexaeus nodded, moving the pieces to set up a new puzzle. “I thought you and Vexen were busy.”

“We were.” Zexion paused. “He gave me a problem that I find quite hard to solve.” He found the subject hard to breach, even with the one he considered his only friend in the Organization.

He looked up to see Lexaeus curiously looking at him. It made him smile. He’d never been able to keep a secret from Lexaeus. It had been that way when they were still alive, it had remained that way after they became Nobodies, and he believed it would always be that way.

“Vexen has a theory that I believe to be flawed or impossible. He assumed that we Nobodies are still able to feel physical attraction, but…” He couldn’t say it.

“…It is an assumption” Lexaeus finished the sentence. “Was that what you meant to say?”

“No.” Zexion closed his book and put it aside. “I meant to say that either his theory is flawed, or…” He had to say it now. “…Or there is something wrong with me.”

His words were met with silence, silence that hung between them for what seemed to be minutes. Silence that soon became almost deafening. Zexion broke it with a nervous chuckle. “I know, it’s a stupid thought, but it bothers me-“

“It’s not a stupid thought. It’s wrong, that is all.” Lexaeus shook his head. “There is nothing wrong with you.”

Zexion blinked. That… Was not the answer he had expected. It was what he had hoped for, yes, but it was unexpected. “That’s… That’s a relief. Vexen was wrong, then?”

“Yes. If I must guess, the problem in his theory is that he assumed that all humans feel physical attraction. Is that right?”

“Is that the problem?” Zexion couldn’t help it, he felt stupid for not noticing that small technicality. There were exceptions. Of course there were exceptions.

“Yes. Not all people feel physical attraction, there are some who either do not feel it at all or can only feel it towards people they are already romantically interested in. People who feel no physical attraction are asexual. Asexuality is not discussed often, not many people know that it exists, but it does exist and it is nothing abnormal.” Lexaeus gave one of his rare smiles. “You are not broken, you are an exception.”

Zexion answered with a smile of his own. “That is good to hear. Thank you.” He made a note to discuss it with Vexen later, then opened his book again. He could hear the faint sounds of pieces moving on the chessboard, and after a short while, the soft strumming of a guitar indicated that Demyx had joined them.

Zexion knew he would need to get back to work sooner or later. There was still a lot to be done, a lot that needed to be researched before it could be understood, if it could be understood at all. But those were questions for later.

For now, he was glad he understood himself.

**Author's Note:**

> Again, thank you for reading! If you're interested in the zine this fic is featured in, check out this post: https://kestrelmakesart.tumblr.com/post/185896434735/2019-pride-zine.


End file.
